Unfortunately I do not have a picture of this beautiful cat with his incredible

temperament but this is real close to what he looked like, even as a domestic.

The background of this page also signifies the actual color of his coat.

He was a beautiful cat with a mild temperament. The extent of his anger would be

to hiss or give a gentle warning nip. He loved to sing (purr) and would talk up

a storm. His "talk" were short, kitten-like chirps.

He loved to sun himself on the hood of my car and would wait for me

to come home in a shallow hole at the corner of my house. He also loved

to just sprawl out on my front and back steps as well as in my pet cemetery

under the shady hedges. He would spend all afternoon there.

He was a true gentleman.

I had been caring for this male, unaltered kitty for about a year and brought

him in several times during the winter months to protect him from the elements.

He had an awful cough accompanied with chronic sneezing.

I thought he had an awful URI (upper respiratory infection) so I treated him

with Clavamox but wasn't too successful because he would scream to go out

and I wouldn't see him again sometimes for days.

With the winter, the infection seemed to come and go.

This was when I began to mentally but casually tried to work out ways I could

bring him in permanently but had to be extremely careful in dealing with him

due to having healthy kitties of my own. I had to take him to the vet first.

It was apparent this was not going to be possible. I think he knew what I was

up to and would only show up during times when the vet's office was closed.

During the summer months I also began noticing a rapid decrease in his weight &

didn't have much energy. His eyes were continuously caked with mucus and

his coat was dull & course. He just didn't look well.

It was time to bring him in once & for all but I still had to catch him & figure

out where I'd keep him until I could get him to the vet. I had decided on the

basement. This would enable me to care for him on a veterinary level until

my weekend came.

Once I got him in I observed he wasn't eating much, except canned

food (thought I'd lose my fingers) which he devoured.

He wasn't drinking much either and at first had trouble walking, 

he had a limp (this disease can also cause an unbalance).

He had a lump on his right rib (sometimes FeLV can cause cancer).

He was also spraying.

I again administered Clavamox and Baytrill to help clear up his caked-up eyes &

began attempts in training him to the litter box. This was on Tuesday.

Come Saturday morning, today (8/16/03) I finally got him to the vet.

As the appointment went along and we waited for the combo test results

(FeLV-leuk. & feline Aids) the vet checked his eyes

(clear except scarring on the third lid), ears (a touch of mites in one ear),

coat was clean of fleas, a couple patches smaller than a dime

(was from trying to scratch from the mites), then BOOM!!!

The results "just popped up" POSITIVE LEUKEMIA.

Instantaneous shock... then 'sigh'. What to do now? I knew it.

Oh dear God, I hate this part... the decision. Careful, careful thought in

what was best for him and there were so many negatives.

#1.  I could keep him but because of my other kitties he'd have to live

in the basement (I could not make him live there for the rest of his life).

#2.  I could let him go and live back outside where he really liked to be

(but he could contract this to other kitties on the outside)

#3.  I could turn him over to a shelter specifically for FeLV+ kitties

(not a one in our area)

#4.  I could try to adopt him out to someone that would love him,

understand his disease, be willing to deal with it & keep their home a

one kitty home (bad enough that people prefer kittens than adults,

let alone an ill adult)

#5.  The inevitable... putting him to sleep.

(after discussing this with my vet I felt this would be best)

I wanted him to be OK so bad that a large part of me began to have

the other believing he was going to be fine. For a short time he was but the

meds only shielded a portion of the symptoms, not the disease.

It helped him to feel a bit better but he was still very sick.

I made a decision. I will always hate myself for it.

I stayed with him and cuddled him. I talked to him quietly & stroked him

gently during the first shot (sedative) and continued when the vet left the

room and thru THE last shot (euthanasia). Then those dreaded words "he's gone".

I brought him back to my home where he had also lived and buried him in my

pet cemetery. You can image how I felt to find he was using the litter box.

I hate not knowing if I made the right decision & that I can't take it back.

If I could, would I do it again?

I am so sorry Handsom, I didn't want you to suffer.

You are missed terribly.